Editing is hard. As writers, we want every word we write to be perfectly used; etched in stone.
Sometimes we must break the rock.
Below are examples of my edits for my latest short story with brief explanations as to why I made the changes. I hope these examples will be helpful to my fellow writers and readers within the Void.
#1
- “Hurry!” the face on the screen was yelling.
- EDIT: “Hurry!” the voice yelled.
- “…yes yelling” can be easily shortened to “yelled,” making the sentence shorter.
#2
- Tendons in my shoulder tore.
- EDIT: Tendons tore in my shoulder.
- Having the verb “tore” at the end of the sentence sounded strange to me when reading aloud. And this revision allows my mind to process the sentence easier, given that I know what is happening to the tendons sooner.
#3
- I could feel the needle inside my leg.
- EDIT: I felt the needle in my leg.
- Similar to Item #1, “could feel” can be shortened to “felt.”
#4
- The spinning of the pod was slowing
- EDIT: The spinning of the pod slowed.
- Similar to Item’s #1 and #3, “was slowing” can be shortened to “slowed.”
#5
- Thunder clapped from somewhere outside.
- EDIT: Thunder clapped outside.
- “From somewhere” isn’t essential in the sentence because by just saying “outside,” we know where the thunder is coming from.
#6
- I’ll pass the event horizon in a few minutes.
- EDIT: I’ll cross the event horizon in a few minutes.
- In terms of black holes, it sounded much better to me to say “crossing” the event horizon instead of “passing.” We don’t pass over thresholds. We cross them.
#7
- A long time ago, I watched the Earth explode.
- EDIT: Years ago, I watched the Earth explode.
- FINAL Edit: I was twenty years old when I watched the Earth explode.
- This is the first sentence of my short story, thus I needed it to instantly grab the attention of the reader. Having the Earth explode was essential to have in the sentence, but it was the timeline of that event I was struggling with. I initially didn’t want to be too specific, however after several test readings, it was clear I needed to be. So, the timeline went from very vague (a long time ago) to very specific (I was twenty years old).
#8
- In the corners of my vision, darkness looms outside the tiny pod windows. I am terrified.
- EDIT: In the corners of my vision, darkness looms outside the tiny pod windows.
- This sentence was the start of a new paragraph. I made “I am terrified” a new paragraph as well because I wanted it to stand out physically within the writing to show how scared my main character really was.
#9
- The pod’s shell creaks in agony. There is a loud exploding sound.
- EDIT: There is an explosion and the pod’s shell creaks in agony.
- I felt the pod creaking was a result of the explosion – or whatever caused the explosion to occur, thus I moved the creaking pod after the explosion after combining the two sentences into one.
#10
- Joints and muscles I didn’t know I had feel like they are being ripped apart.
- EDIT: Muscles and joints I didn’t know I had feel like they are being ripped apart.
- I felt that “muscles” needed to come before “joints” given the muscles are connected to joints.